Selling a Soul
There it was. My biggest fear. The ultimate boogeyman. The last nail in the coffin of my life.
No income. No insurance. No treatment for anything. Ever. Because I’m uninsurable now unless I move directly from one plan to another. And the cost of the treatment without insurance is $10,000 per month. And it makes you pretty sick for a while. And going to another full-time job (assuming I could even find one) means I couldn’t afford to be sick even a single day. And there are the other things. The migraines. The regular old aging stuff. The mammograms… you know….the STUFF you can’t afford without insurance.
I guess I knew it all along. I think it’s one of the reasons I am so awfully sad all the time right now. I’m really stuck here. There’s just nothing to smile about anymore.
Oh, I realize I chose to be stuck all these years. I rationalized that while it isn’t a relationship, the rest wasn’t that horrible and maybe life would never offer me anything any better. Especially after You.
But between you and me? When things were especially bad, I would still creep to the window like a small child and wish upon a star that some day my fairy Godmother would stop by, wave her wand, and “Poof” everything would magically change.
You gotta be awful careful when you wish for something that hard. Sometimes you get exactly what you ask for.
